The World is Going to End: Get Ready!

the world will end!

Since there have been so many predictions of the end of the world, this page will be generalized for all future predictions.  Honestly, it's hard to keep up with all of them.  Eventually someone will be right, because if there's a beginning, there has to be an end.  Unfortunately, any prophets who by sheer chance hit it on the head won't be able to enjoy their success, as everything and everybody will be gone.  Tough luck.

According to a Good Christian Prophet With a Calculator ®
, the world is going to end on (fill in the date here).

Well now!  I guess the following is not important then:

Matthew 24:36King James Version (KJV)

But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father.


  A Good Christian Prophet With a Calculator ® says it's so, so it must be true.

Like a lot of prophets, he brings out weasel words to hedge his bet.  But can you take that chance?  The world could very well end that day!  You'd best plan ahead.

So, as good Christians, what should you do?  You're going to have a lot of stuff left behind, as you get raptured up to Heaven.  You don't want just anyone messing around with your stuff, do you?  Of course not!  Well, I'm here to help.

You can't take anything with you. Think of it: everything you own, your car, your house, your electronic doodads, your pets--  all will sit and languish.  Or, far worse, people who are unaware of the real value of what you have accumulated will misuse it.

I am an Atheist, and I will be Left Behind.  All you need to do is sign all of your property to me with a simple permanently binding contract, and I will take care of it, giving it the respect it deserves.  For a fee of $5000, I will also take care of your pets, feeding them and so on.

If, by some strange chance, the world does not end, just remember this:

Matthew 19:21King James Version (KJV)

Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.

In other words, no matter what, you're a winner with this plan!  If the world ends, great: your possessions and pets will be taken care of.  If it doesn't end, you will be able to follow Jesus, unencumbered by worldly goods.

Hurry!  This generous offer ends in 4 days.  If the world doesn't end, our Good Christian Prophet With a Calculator ® will undoubtedly crunch some more numbers and give us another, even more accurate date.  Hurry!  Eventually the world will end, and then where will you be?

email me at scifibeer@outlook.com.  Have peace of mind, and know that no matter what, you're covered.


List of dates predicted for apocalyptic events

Wowee!  There sure are a lot of predictions!  But you can rest assured that the end wof the world will come on (fill in the date here).  Get ready for it!