Who You Gonna Call?

turd busters

NOTE: This is an updated version of a webpage I did in 2009.  Sadly, some of these fine businesses are gone.  Cherish your poop businesses, for some day they may be gone!

Below are some business listings that I thought some might find amusing. These are all fine businesses, and if you ever find yourself in a situation where you need their services, please patronize them.

Poop means business. Big business. But thankfully there is also room for humor, as evidenced by many of the names below.

All comments in italic are my own, and should not be seen as being from these fine, fine establishments.  Many of the images are photoshops I put together, since for some odd reason many of these wonderful, critically essential businesses do not have logos.

I suppose I should address why I am doing this page. But then again, no one else ever explains why they did their web pages, so why should I be burdened? Let's just say that in a world full of horror and hate, poop is downright benign. Salute the poop!


Crapper Jacks Gambling Hall & Casino
Cripple Creek, CO

I can picture the old Cracker Jack TV commercial, slightly warped:
Candy coated popcorn, peanuts and a prize!
That's what you get at Crapper Jack's!

derby city poopp scoop

Derby City Poop Scoop
Louisville, KY
(502) 509-3314

The name and logo make it almost seem like a staeely thing, as if the crown prince of England would come by with a silver scoop.  But I wouldn't bet on it.

doo b gone

Doo B- Gone
Their most excellent website!

Omaha, NE
 (402) 210-4876

Somehow, I get this vision: these five Motown singers, all dressed up in white tuxes singing to a pile of doo, putting lots of emotion in their song, Doo Be Gone. It would be the ultimate doo-wop song!

dogpile patrol

DoGPiLe Patrol dogwaste poop scooping
Springhill . Florida 34610

Isn't a dogpile when a bunch of people pile on top of... Oh wait, I get it. Dog Pile. As in pile of sh*t.  It';s a shame this one died.  It was the only poop business that sent their information to me.

I can picture a TV series, much like Rat Patrol, only set in modern times, with soldiers, jeeps, hand grenades.  And turds.


Poop & Scoop
Their most excellent website!
Long Island, NY
(631) 392-0888

Is this like Shop and Save?

poop a scoop

Poop A Scoop
Alief, TX 77411

Is this similar to making a silk purse out of a sow's ear? Or does the scoop emerge, as it were, fully formed? Wouldn't that be painful?

poop busters

Visit their most excellent website!
Albuquerque, NM
(505) 263-7667

Who you gonna call?

In my mind, I am picturing a S.W.A.T.. style team that goes after errant poop. I can see it in my mind: sirens, flashing lights, stern faced commandos with M-16 assault rifles and hand grenades. "All right, turd! We have you surrounded!"


Poop Busters
Aurora, CO

More of the same. A franchise, no less!

poop deck

Poop Deck
Their most excellent Facebook page!
Nassau, New Providence
(242) 393-8175

Yes, I know that poop deck is a valid nautical term. And there's only a limited amount of humorous things I can say about this. Too bad there are so darned many Poop Decks out there. I suppose I shouldn't be selfish, though: I'm sure many, many people would love to have a Poop Deck in their town.

another poop deck

Poop Deck Bar
Their most excellent Facebook page!
Omaha, NE
(402) 553-3193

Can't get enough of that poopy stuff!   Oh, it's a bar.  I get it now.

so many poop decks.  so little time

The Poop Deck Club
Their most excellent Facebook page!
Galveston, TX
409) 497-2392

Well, it was funny when Popeye used the term poop deck. But what about his nephews: one of them was named Poopeye. What's up with that? What parents in their right minds would name their kid Poopeye?

the joke is starting to wear thin...

The Poop Deck
Their most excellent Facebook page!
Ft. Worth, TX

(817) 921-4861

Another poop deck. Geez, I am starting to have second thoughts about doing this page. But I must persevere: Six year olds around the world will thank me in the end. 

there is no end of poop decks

Poop Deck Bar
Their most excellent Facebook page!
Omaha, NE
(402) 553-3193

More of the same. Maybe they should get a franchise going, like Poop Busters. 

the final poop deck

The Poop Deck
Their most excellent Facebook page!
Galveston, TX
(409) 763-9151

The last poop deck. At least I have my dignity intact.

pooper getter plu

Pooper Getter Plus Inc
Anna Maria, FL
(941) 778-4349

No ordinary Pooper Getter for me! That's for the poor people. I want Pooper Getter PLUS!   This is a trucking company.

poop mcscoop
Poop McScoop
Casper, WY

Over 6 billion scooped. Sometimes the jokes write themselves.

poop patrol

Poop Patrol
Their most excellent web page!
Redwood City, CA
(650) 333-2855

Picture the old Space Patrol series, only with the announcer's booming voice announcing "Poooooooop Patrol!" Our brave space ship pilots are flying through the cosmos, when suddenly a red light flashes in the cockpit. Klaxon horns sound. An errand turd has been spotted by the ship's sensors. There's work to be done!

Or maybe picture a couple of Lewis and Clark era explorers with buckskin clothes, flintlock rifles, and the whole bit. What a TV series it would make!

pooper scooper guy

Pooper Scooper Guys
Their most excellebt Facebook page!
Rochester, NY
(585) 458-7667

I can see these guys trying to impress girls. They'd have the ultimate pickup line: "Hey, baby, I'm one of the Pooper Scooper Guys."

poopers scooper

Poopers Scooper
Lakewood, NJ

Does he scoop the butts, or the poop itself? Is there only one person who does this? I am so confused here!

poop scoopers

Poop Scoopers
Their most excellent website!
Bellmore, NY
(877) 738-7667

At least there are no surprises here: you know what these people do. They are here when you need them, and not when you don't.

the poop sheet

The Poop Sheet
Chapel Hill, NC

News for poop, by poop, about poop!

the poop shop

The Poop Shop
Austin, TX

It just  goes to show you: a unique name does not mean business longevity.

the poop shiop

The Poop Shop
Their most excellent Facebook page!
Manila, Philippines

What do they sell here? I can picture it: "This is a lovely vase, and in such a wonderful earth tone clay." "Lady, that ain't clay!"


 Visit their most excellent website!
Galena, IL
(815) 777-1999

I can picture it: "Poopsies, the NEW breakfast cereal, with the new secret ingredient guaranteed to give pep: merde!"   This is apparently a gift shop.

poop van scoop

Poop Van Scoop
Their most excellent website!
Grand Junction, CO
(970) 256-7667

Picture a 15th century painter with a huge canvas. He is standing back, admiring his work. The funny thing is, the paint is all brown, and flies are buzzing around it.

Or picture The Poop van Scoop TV show, where Poop is a comedy writer, and at the beginning of each episode, he walks into a room, tripping on a chair.

scoop dogie dog

Scoop Doggie Dog
Their most excellent website!
Vancouner, WA
(360) 750-9603

The pun is a bit old by now.  One would think they would change it to Scoop Dog, to reflect that change.

turd busters

Turd Busters
Their most excellent Facebook page!
Roanoke, VA
(540) 776-3200

Finally, a new question to befuddle the masses. Forget about "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" (the egg came first -- dinosaurs came before chickens) We can now ask: "Which came first: Poop Busters or Turd Busters?"

Was there any legal action between Poop Busters and Turd Busters? Was one accused of dilution of trademark? If there was a trial, did the bailiff manage to keep a straight face as he read "Poop Busters vs Turd Busters, et al?" We may never know.


Why is it that most of the poop based links are either about sex, crash my browser, don't exist any more, or are about toilet training? Come on, oh ye prophets of poop! Let's get some good poop pages up! Poop doesn't need to be embellished or (gasp!) sanitized to make it funny! It just is.

Below are some exemplary links, links that should all make us proud to be part of the net!

Ten Things You Should Never Flush Down the Toulet!
Poop 911!
K9 Poop Busters!
Poopie Poems!
Sniff turds and get high!
Johnson's Poop Busters!
Predict your future by looking at your turds!
No shitting in the toilet!
How to stop your dog from eating poop!